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Crime and Punishment

by Pam Shirk, North Carolina, USA


I waited until now to post this as I wanted to make sure nothing further was going to happen.

As you all know we went to North Carolina USA's Outer Banks for six days, leaving the cats in the care of some friends of ours. Said friends were to come in a couple of times during the week, check on the food and water dispensers, and change the litter boxes. Not the best arrangement, but the best we could do with our circumstances and one that worked out better than having the person we'd had stay with them in the past, as the cats were always really stressed by the time we'd get back from vacation.

We knew that the cats weren't going to be happy as we'd never left them alone before. I was positive that they'd mug me when I ran back into the house to get my purse, but they didn't. QC and Berfert were sleeping on Mandy's bed and Merlin had taken over my side and Tanada was snoring her little kitty heart out on top of the cable converter. Hmmm, It was going to be worse than I was afraid of.

I worried about them the whole time we were gone, even though I had lots of fun as well. I dreaded coming home and finding dead mice in our bed or other scarier forms of cat punishment waiting for us. Rob told me that I was just imagining things, but I knew.......

There were two cats sitting on the kitchen table watching for us when we got home. They disappeared as we walked up the sidewalk. I was shaking like a leaf. Rob unlocked the front door. We walked in and looked cats. The litter boxes were in the middle of the living room. One had three knee high socks in it, one had a washcloth laying on top of it and the third had a pair of Rob's underwear arranged neatly across the top of the litter. Berfert was here. Rob bent down to pick up his undies and something large and furry leaped on his back. QC decided to say welcome home. Merlin walked in and rubbed up against Rob's legs. They had forgiven him.

"Hi kids," I said brightly. "Did you miss us?" Both QC and Merlin turned to sit with their b*tts towards me. The ultimate in ignoring. This was all my fault. I walked up and reached out to pet them. They both walked away. Rob laughed and told me that they were right, this trip was all my fault. I was crushed. QC stared at me then leaped into Mandy's arms. Further evidence that she wasn't going to forgive me...ever. Merlin looked down his nose at me and walked over to Jason and rubbed against him. I was not forgiven. Maybe Tanada and Berfert would say welcome home to me.

I walked into our bedroom and found Tanada in her favorite spot, on top of the cable converter. She looked at me and meowed, then leaped down to the bed and ran past me to greet Rob. She wouldn't let me pet her or go near her.

Berfert was hiding under the bed. I bent down and said "Hi Berfie. Meowmie's home." Berfert let out a long mournful yowl. He came out from under the bed, stretched and walked over to Rob, and rubbed against him. It was as if he wanted to show his sympathy to Rob for being married to such an evil devil woman. I sat down on the bed, crushed that my kitties didn't love me any more.

Mandy was thrilled. "Mom!" She exclaimed. "The cats have all come over and loved on me." The little turncoats had all rubbed up against her. They rubbed against Jason. They rubbed against Mike. They really rubbed against Rob. They lined up with their b*tts towards me in a nice neat row. It was all my fault.

The next day we talked to our cat sitters. They told us how they found a pair of white panty hose (how Berfert got them from my dresser we'll never know), some of my knee highs and a towel in the litter boxes. Berfert had also lined up around a dozen or so of my knee highs between the water dispenser and the food dish. There had been a little stuffed teddy bear laying in the food dish and Berfert was seen dashing down the hall to slide under the bed when he realized that they'd been looking at him. QC had hugged them and didn't want them to leave and Tanada had even come down and talked to them. Merlin had eaten from their hands and they'd played ball with him and QC. According to the sitters, the cats had had fun while we were gone.

Its almost a week later. Berfert had finally let me pet him on Sunday night. Tanada had let me share my fish with her on Tuesday. QC finally let me pet her on Wednesday, and Merlin has finally let me pet him today. QC is sleeping beside me as I write this and Berfert is on my bed. Tanada is on Rob's hard drive and Merlin won't come in here. He still hasn't forgiven me for taking his only family away. I really feel guilty.


Last night after I posted this and logged off of the net, the phone rang. I picked up the receiver and the cord just dangled down. One of the cats had chewed through it. I yelled at Mike to pick up the phone in the kitchen. He did and the same thing happened, one of the cats had chewed through that phone cord as well. Result? A mad dash to the store to get phone cords for both phones.

I would blame this on QC, except that recently Merlin has also taken up the fine art of cord severation. I think its because the ringing of the phone hurts their tender little ears. Rob says its because they're spoiled little p*ssants, and want us to jump through even more hoops for them.


Editor's note:

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