Cat Laws

1 -Law of Cat Inertia

A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

2 - Law of Cat Motion

A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

3 - Law of Cat Magnetism

All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics

Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.

5 - Law of Cat Stretching

A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

6 - Law of Cat Sleeping

All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

7 - Law of Cat Elongation

A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any countertop, that has anything remotely interesting on it.

8 - Law of Cat Acceleration

A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance

Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

10 - Law of Rug Configuration

No rug may remain in its naturally flat state, for very long.

11 - Law of Obediance Resistance

A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

12 - First Law of Energy Conservation

Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation

Cats also know that energy can only be stored, by a lot of napping.

14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation

If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction

Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking

A cat will will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy

All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment

A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

19 - Law of Milk Consumption

A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

20 - Law of Furniture Replacement

A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

21 - Law of Cat Landing

A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

22 - Law of Fluid Displacement

A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

23 - Law of Cat Disinterest

A cats interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

24 - Law of Pill Rejection

Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

25 - Law of Cat Composition

A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

26 - Law of Selective Listening

Although a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away.

27 - Law of Equidistant Separation

All cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.

28 - Law of Cat Invisibility

Cats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.

29 - Law of Space-Time Continuum

Given enough time, a cat will land in just about any space

30 - First Law of Concentration of Mass

A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.

31 - Second Law of Concentration of Mass [2]

The mass of a cat is inversely proportional to her desire to be picked up.

32 - Law of Cat Obedience

As yet undiscovered.

33 - Law of Cat Entropy

Maximum entropy is attained when a cat and a pingpong ball are brought together.

34 - Law of Cat Washing

A cat will wash herself at any time which is appropiate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.

35 - Law of Cat Probability (Cat's Uncertainty Principle)

It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she "might" be.

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