Midnight Monsters

by Susan Rosebrough, Blacksburg, VA, USA

The weirdest things happen after the stroke of midnight...

My kitties (Annie and Baby, sisters) are silly, silly girls. I'm convinced that every night they brainstorm together to come up with new ideas to make sure that their "meowmie" is having just as much fun as they are - even if she is trying to sleep. I think they like the challenge.

It started out as any other two-kitty household - tearing through the apartment at 2 am in the Kittyanapolis 500, playing "catch the toes-ies," and games of tag where the "tag, you're it!" portion of the game just happens (by coincidence I'm sure) to occur in the middle of the bed. I've tried to keep the bedroom door shut, but that only lead to pathetic little mews and the shredding of carpet in the middle of the night.

Pretty soon Baby learned that she could drive me bonkers by simply draping her fuzzy belly across my face. One night I even woke up gasping for air. Then came the wrestling. Sure, two kitties wrestling is absolutely adorable -- in the middle of the day! But not in the middle of the night, in the middle of the bed.

Back to the plotting and scheming. I truly believe they're trying to figure out how to bug the heck out of me. I was trying to sleep last night, like most folks who work during the day, waking up every now and then to shift something furry away from my primary source of oxygen. I may have been half asleep, but I'm pretty darn sure this is how things went (from the kitties' point of view)...

Annie:

"Hey Baby, what should we do next? This fur-in-the-face thing is losing its effect on her."

Baby:

"I dunno. How 'bout we play with her toes again?"

Annie:

"Nah... she's got that one figured out. She always wraps the covers over her feet so we can't get to the skin."

Baby:

"I know! Start chewing on her glasses again! She hates that. They're right behind you on the bed stand."

Annie:

"Oh hey, great idea!" <nibble nibble nibble>

Human:

"Blah blah, Annie! Blah blah blah-blah blah!"

Annie:

"Damn. She moved them to the dresser. What are we going to do now?"

Baby:

"Hmmmm... Oh wait, I've got an idea! Check this out..."

Baby strolls to the end of the room, turns back around, revs up her engine, then takes a running start towards the bed. About 2 feet from the human's head, she leaps up into the air and BODY-SLAMS! her meowmie in the face.

Human:

<wide awake now>"%&@#$% #!$@&*, BABY! Blah blah-blah blah blah BLAH!!!"

Annie:

<rolling on the bed laughing> "Hee hee hee, that's was pretty cool, Baby! We'll have to remember that one for tomorrow night."

So the moral of my little story is if you should happen to be cursed with an undying love for cats... get a night job.

Editor's note:

• If you want to comment on this article, why not write direct to Susan Rosebrough?
• She will be pleased to hear from you!

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