Last Story Home Local Next

But I didn't inhale!

by Vicky Chapman, NSW, Australia


Shmoggleberry is a "Just Say No" cat. He doesn't like catnip, and will slowly back away and hiss if you try to offer him any. He will have absolutely nothing to do with it, which is a shame, because I'm sure he could occasionally "lighten up" for a while.

When a friends cat died, I bought a cat-nip plant for Morticia's Memorial Garden. The plant grew rapidly, pleasing Gomez (of Bunny fame) and attracting many of the other neighbourhood cats. I thought it a true shame that my Shmoggleberry wasn't appreciating the plant, so when it seeded, I collected some and brought home the some of the spent flower heads.

I got a small posy out for Shmoggleberry when I got home, and after just one sniff he did his usual hiss and backed away. Fair enough, I wasn't going to be "a pusher" so I put the seeds and bits into paper envelopes. The next day, I took the flower head other catnip bits to work so I could use the ovens there to dry out the seeds and separate them from the chaff.

A week later, they were ready, so after I sent some of the seeds off to some of my cat-mad friends. I carefully separated the seeds from the other cat-nip bits, packaged them carefully into paper envelopes, and put them into my bag to bring them home. I was planning to give them to my sister and her cat, Sir Robert.

When I got home that evening I did my usual thing of flinging my bag to the floor and heading straight for the comfy chair for my half-hour time-out. (I find it essential to have a little bit of quiet time between "work" and "home".) When I cam out again. Shmoggleberry was all over my bag, rubbing an purring at it one minute, scratching and drooling at it the next. I was very puzzled at his behavior, he had never shown any interest in my bag before except as a cursory "Oh, that's where you've been" sort of sniff. Now he was rubbing and smooching on it like, well, like he's never done before. Not even with Joel's icky sneakers, because this wasn't aggression, and wasn't affection, but like some strange B&D ritual of somewhere in between.

Then the light came on. The nip! Yay, my kitty does nip! I almost tripped over in my haste to get the nip packet of my bag so Shmogg could have a better go. Being somewhat distracted by his "activities" with my bag, he stopped and sniffed at the packet I was offering him. I though that now he liked 'nip, he'd take off with the packet and go all mad over that. But no, he once again hissed and backed slowly away. I put the packet back into my work bag, and within two minutes he was back being a silly-kitty with my bag, which was quickly becoming a repository for kitty drool (egh!).

So I figure that Shmoggleberry has some moral stance on drugs, in much the same way I did when I was young. Although I wouldn't ever tough marijuana, I quite happily say in the car with all four windows closed while my friends "bonged on". I got quite high of the smoke, but with all honesty I could say that I did not smoke. Ditto with drinking, I personally wouldn't touch a drop, but quite enjoyed the experience when someone had spiked the "non-alcoholic punch". I could honestly say that I had avoided alcohol, as far as I knew the punch was perfectly harmless, although my mother didn't believe me. Shmoggleberry could say that he has seen nip, but in his mind, he can honestly believe that he never actually inhaled.


Editor's note:

Last Story Home top Local Next
Top of