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Fetch!

by David Yehudah, Bellflower, CA, USA

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Well, one of us is teaching the other to fetch, but I can't tell t'other from which.

Mac has a little plastic bone he likes to fetch, but he was outside on important puppy business when I borrowed it for a session of trying to teach Sam to fetch.

First I waved it enticingly in front of her until I had her attention, then tossed it nearby and told her to "Fetch!" I repeated this various times, each time fetching it myself while she watched with an excited (?) expression on her face between yawns of heightened interest. Finally she condescended to walk over and sniff it while I excitedly urged her to "Fetch! Dammit, bring me the %$#^& bone before I shove it up your nose."

About the third time this happened, she actually picked it up and looked at me in wonder as I went into paroxysms of delight. Didn't work; she set it back down. I reached over to pick it up once again (patience, donkey, patience), whereupon she picked it up and moved it just out of reach. I leaned further forward and she moved it again. I got down on all fours and reached for it again; she moved it again.

Thus began the damndest chase I've ever participated in in my life. Everytime I quit chasing the bone, she set it down. Just as I reached for it, she moved it. By now I am at full gallop around the living room, that bone just out of reach.

Finally, almost wild with frustration, I said the hell with it and went back to my chair. So, what does she do? She brings it right to me and waits for me to chase her again.

Did you know cats have extremely fast reflexes? I made a super-fast grab for the bone, and she made a super-super-fast move. I tried ignoring her until she tired of waiting and moved away. With a cry of incipient victory I made a snatch for the bone, and she beat me to it from ten feet away.

I still don't have the bone. Sam is still waiting for me to chase her again.

Help!

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Editor's note:

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