Well, I finally got off work early enough to think about the cats and their harnesses; and on a nice day. I finally managed to get the right harness on the right cat; they are adjusted for their various sizes. Amber was first and I quickly slipped it on with the leash trailing. Then I picked up Djoser's and then managed to grab him after running through three rooms until he trapped himself. I carried him to the end of the bed to put it on him. Then I got Sheba's around her girth without snagging any hair or fat.
In the meantime, Amber was in a narrow slot by the dresser but the leash was trailing out. Djoser was still on the bed like he was tied up. Sheba was trying to roll hers off. I grabbed the leashes and in my happy voice urged them to go outside. They were having none of it.
So I dropped the leashes and went to the porch door and rattled it and hollered " want to go outside"!! Amber came running like something was after him and I snagged the leash as he passed by and we made it outside. He was still running when the leash went taut on my wrist. He reared up and slued around and then squatted. But I talked to him and urged him with a sugary voice to go for a walk. He finally ran under the picnic table but the leash went taut again. After that he just sat.
Then I heard Sheba's voice at the door, so I picked up Amber and went to the door and there were Sheba and Djoser. I went in and grabbed their leashes. Djoser ran out the door at a dead run and jerked upright as the leash went taut. Good thing I had it around my wrist. I had to put Amber down to pick up Sheba and he went out at a dead run! Maybe running is the only way boys think they can escape the leash?
I set Sheba down outside on the patio and we all just sat there while I talked brightly to them. Sheba rolled on her side. I tried to get her up and she was limp like a baby being carried by her mom. I sort of got her on her feet and managed to get to the sun. Then she took a few steps to some grass. Then she lay down and rolled and rubbed her upper body. The boys decided to run again, with predictable results.
Little by little I got them past hazards like bushes and picnic table legs and gate posts and the car tires. Then we sat in the sun. "Isn't this nice?" I asked them. They gave me sour looks. Then Djoser faced me and backed up and managed to get a front leg out. So I decided that was enough. I got it back on him and picked up the fat baby cat and jerked this way and that as the boys tried to run in different directions, none of which coincided with the direction of the house! I slipped off the harnesses and the cats totally disappeared! Do I have 3 black holes in my house?