Bonnie & Clyde - List of Damage

by Beverley, Napier, New Zealand

1. Satin Bedspread, kittens have pulled threads all over the top and have had fights in the frill around the bottom.

   Remedy. Took bedspread off and replaced with elderly cotton one.
   
   

2. Human Skin. Badly damaged on two humans. Backs, arms and legs polka dotted with holes.

   Several Remedies. When sitting at computer put blanket over legs and heavy towel around shoulders. It is summer here and you swelter. When you see Bonnie approaching get up and run away. Always be vigilant. If you hear her howling remember she could be getting ready to jump on your back - you need help to remove Bonnie from your back! Wear a double layer of clothing at all times.
   
   

3. Fly screens on doors and windows. Full of holes from two kittens climbing up and then sliding down making ghastly tearing noises.

   Remedy. Take fly screens off the windows that you never open. Close ordinary doors in front of fly screens. Swelter in heat!!
   
   

4. Bonnie likes drinking anything alcoholic. A bottle of Clayva Liqueur bought for John's birthday didn't have the top on properly. When the bottle was knocked over the liquid oozed out on table top. Bonnie discovered lapping up the liqueur.

   Remedy. Never leave alcohol sitting around in glasses or in loosely capped bottles. When she tries to lick alcohol from your mouth, put her down and run away - she sometimes forgets to lick and bites! Running away is a very good remedy for Boomerang Bonnie and can be used all the time.
   
   

5. John has just come in and complained that both kittens are sitting in his hanging breakfast chair in patio. Wants to know what to do.
   
   

   Remedy. Move to another chair. Remember that the kittens are in one place and being quiet. Cherish the moment it won't last for long. Moving them will result in a fight over John's toast and more holes in skin.

There will be more on the damage list shortly.

PS. Update on John. He did not follow the remedy in section 5. He removed the kittens from his chair and paid the price. His screams suggest he has another set of holes!!!!

Editor's note:

• If you want to comment on this article, why not write direct to Beverley?
• She will be pleased to hear from you!

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