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Is there a 12 steps program for cataholics?

by Vicky Chapman, NSW, Australia


Hello. My name is Vicky and I have problem. I am a cataholic.

My last cat-free day was the 28th of January 1999.

I realised I had a problem when the following events happened within the same week:

  1. I was avoiding doing "urgent work" at work because I just had to finish the latest of Shmoggleberry's tails
  2. When I was running late to the shops, I parked in the carpark and saw a mama cat and her two kittens. Even though I realised that if I didn't run to the shops straight away, I would only have toast for dinner, I consciously chose to attempt to coax out the cat family for a good petting instead of buying dinner.
  3. I was upset when the cats and kittens (mentioned above) didn't respond to my calls to them, and I persisted for at least 15 minutes in the cold wind trying to coax clearly uninterested cats into petting range.
  4. When the woman at work got her grand-children pictures out of her purse to show her colleagues, I promptly got my Shmoggleberry pictures out of my purse and passed them around with as much pride as the Grandmother did with her photos
  5. I still love my cat, despite him performing Bastard Cat tricks on me
  6. If there is a disagreement between Shmoggleberry and Joel (usually involving the frequency and volume of feeding), I side with the cat in sympathy
  7. When my boss asked me whether I had any other hobbies besides cats, and I answered "no, why?"
  8. I have seriously thought about giving Shmoggleberry his own e-mail address so that he can write to other cats
  9. I no longer find meow-chat pukifying, I now think its "kinda cute".

I acknowledge I have a problem, and know that my health is adversely affected because of my addiction. But I just can't give up. I only have a credit card so that I can access the internet to read rec.pets.cats.anecdotes. I get annoyed if there are less than 30 messages there a day, and I'm always disappointed to find that I've finished reading all of them. My need is getting stronger and I find myself browsing cat related WWW pages instead of going for walks at lunch-time. I get paranoid if I don't see my cat at least every 2 hours. Last night I even got the cat DT's and hallucinated permanent cat-withdrawal. I'm even thinking of increasing my fix to at least 2 real-cats per day. How do I stop this insanity?


Hello nice men in white suits! What a lovely van you have. Someone did a marvellous job painting "Psychiatric Ward" on it. You are going to take me for "a little ride"? How kind of you. Oh, how sweet of you to offer me one of those smart long sleeved jackets with ties so I can go to visit "someone who can help" without hurting myself. Just tell me one thing before I go with you - do you mind if I bring my cat?????????

<gibber gibber gibber>


Editor's note:

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